Work Feels Off Lately? It Might Be Subtle Gaslighting
You Might Not Call It Gaslighting—But Something Feels Off at Work What Is Gaslighting at Work and How to Handle It Without Losing Yourself
You speak up during a team meeting—only to be brushed off. You raise a legitimate concern—you're told you're overanalyzing. You try to clear up a miscommunication—and somehow end up on the defensive. Then, when you finally talk to someone about it, they tell you to “just let it go.”
Sound familiar?
You might not call it gaslighting. In fact, you may not have a name for it at all. You just know something feels off. And over time, that “off” feeling chips away at your self-trust. You start second-guessing your memory, questioning your tone, doubting your gut.
That’s the stealthy nature of gaslighting at work. It’s rarely loud or obvious. Instead, it creeps in through subtle, persistent invalidation. And because it often goes unchecked—sometimes even witnessed in silence—it can be incredibly disorienting.
Let’s dig into what this really looks like, how it messes with your head, and most importantly, how to stay grounded and strategic when it happens.
What Is Gaslighting, Really?
In its simplest form, gaslighting is emotional manipulation that makes you question your reality. It can happen in personal relationships, of course, but it's alive and well in workplaces too.
At work, gaslighting often looks like this:
Denying something that clearly happened (“I never said that.”)
Minimizing your concerns (“You’re reading too much into it.”)
Spinning blame back on you (“You’re the one causing drama.”)
Twisting facts or shifting the narrative
Ignoring inappropriate behavior in plain sight
And here’s the kicker—it’s rarely just one dramatic incident. It’s a pattern. A vibe. A buildup of interactions that leaves you feeling confused, isolated, and unsure of your place.
A Real-Life Example of Workplace Gaslighting
I once sat in a faculty meeting with 13 colleagues. I challenged the department chair—calmly and directly—on a matter that needed discussion. Another faculty member suddenly stood up and charged across the room at me and another woman who had also spoken up.
The chair stopped her before it escalated further. We were shaken, but hopeful someone else in the room would say something. When we reported it to HR, no one backed us up.
That means eleven people witnessed what happened. And stayed silent.
That kind of silence is gaslighting. It sends a powerful message: your version of events doesn’t count. It’s invalidating. It’s isolating. And after a while, it starts to work—you begin to doubt yourself.
Why Workplace Gaslighting Hits So Hard
Gaslighting messes with your head because it creates a disconnect between your perception and other people’s reactions. You know what happened. You felt it. But everyone else is acting like it’s no big deal—or like it never happened at all.
This disconnect leads to:
Self-doubt: Am I just too sensitive?
Second-guessing: Maybe I misunderstood.
Withdrawing: I’ll just keep my head down next time.
Burnout: Constantly navigating confusion and dismissal is exhausting.
And because workplace culture often rewards "professionalism" (read: silence), you may feel pressured to just “move on” instead of speaking out.
Signs You Might Be Experiencing Gaslighting at Work
If you're unsure whether what you're experiencing qualifies, here are some red flags:
✅ You feel confused after conversations, like you’re missing something
✅ You’re frequently told you’re “misunderstanding” or “overreacting”
✅ Your accomplishments are dismissed or downplayed
✅ You’re made to feel like the “difficult one” for asking questions
✅ Others witness inappropriate behavior but say nothing
✅ You start apologizing—even when you’ve done nothing wrong
So, How Do You Handle It?
Let’s be clear: you can’t control someone else’s manipulation. But you can control your response. And that’s where your power lies.
Here’s how to respond to gaslighting strategically (not emotionally):
1. Trust What You Know
Your gut isn’t broken. If something feels off, it probably is. Write it down. Keep a record of what was said, when, and by whom. Document the facts—not feelings.
2. Don’t Take the Bait
Gaslighters want to pull you into a power game. Stay cool. Stay factual. Don’t defend yourself emotionally—respond with clarity and confidence.
Example:
Them: You’re being too sensitive.
You: I’m raising a valid concern. Let’s focus on the issue at hand.
3. Use “I” Statements
Instead of accusing, which can escalate things, stay grounded in your own experience.
👉 I understood the timeline was different. Can you clarify?
👉 I have the email right here. Would you like me to pull that up?
4. Bring It Back to Reality
If someone twists your words or gaslights you mid-conversation, redirect.
👉 Let’s go back to what was originally said.
👉 Here’s the email I’m referring to—can we look at it together?
5. Find Your People
Look for partners—colleagues who’ve seen it too, or who validate your experience. Even one trusted person can help re-anchor your sense of reality.
Don’t Let Their Narrative Replace Yours
The hardest part about gaslighting is that it makes you doubt your instincts. But trust me, your perception is worth protecting. When people twist the truth, deny your experience, or undermine your voice—it says more about them than it does about you.
Stay rooted in the facts. Stick to your truth. And remember: you’re being manipulated.
What to Do Next If This Resonates
If you're recognizing these patterns at work, you're not alone—and you’re definitely not overreacting. Here’s how you can start shifting the power dynamic:
Begin documenting interactions that feel manipulative
Practice calm, clear communication
Reach out to trusted coworkers or mentors
If necessary, explore formal reporting channels
👉 Need help figuring out your next move? Email me at jan@stopbullyculture.com. I’ve got your back.
You deserve to work in a place where you don’t have to question your reality. A place where your voice counts.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting at work can be slippery, silent, and deeply damaging—but it’s not unbeatable. You don’t have to play their game. Instead, you can stand your ground, gather your evidence, and reclaim your voice.
Because the more grounded you are, the less control they have.
